London, November 2023

Actually, it is a pretty ordinary day. I had to wake up early for a conference call for work, and, as expected, it lasted forever. Finally, I was done at 10am, and Topo was still in bed. I made breakfast by myself, and we ate silently. I didn’t expect much, but he could’ve gotten up and prepared something in the kitchen while I was in the meeting. Or get some croissants or flowers or something. But I had to make brekkie, start eating alone, and he did not even peel and cut the avocado he took out of the fridge, for me, to slice it into mouth-sized pieces! 

So yeah my ego was not happy about it inside, also it was raining cats and dogs, and nobody at work acknowledged my bday either. 

So I was quite moody and got high as soon as Topo left for rehearsal, and I still am. Went for a long walk to Victoria Park, but it was so damn cold and windy. I asked myself what I was doing here, alone in London, cold, rainy, and dark, eating greek yogurt for lunch and getting stoned all day while working.

I mean, two years ago I had MY rooftop party with a long table and catering and a dozen friends to celebrate with me. Today some WhatsApp messages and IG likes are all I got as human interaction. I miss my old life! 

At the same time I try not to be bitter, and find something nice in every day and experience. But it seems I have seen a million red leaves by now and felt cold for months on, I am saturated with this experience! 

I gotta sell my Wonderfruit Thailand ticket soon as I’m very unlikely going to Asia next month. Like totally unlikely.

So I ate some cheese and cold cuts (wild boar) and had wine. Tipsy, listening to Sade Deluxe. It was cute in my twenties to have just discovered that, and my dream of a flat in the city, with rain outside and a glass of red wine, like my dream from the village to the metropolis, sleek and modern, alone and intense. I need experiences!

4 hours left of my fucking birthday. The older, the less exciting. Anyway, I didn’t want to spend the evening at home, cooking, waiting for my man to come home, so I suggested we go for a drink. I wanna dress up and go to a fancy bar, to feel special and cool. I mean, I live in London, so why not? Actually, it was my boss’s voice message that inspired me, suggesting we might do “something nice tonight”. 

Anyway, I picked the Silverleaf bar. It looks fancy and cool, just like in my big-city-dream fantasy.