London, 27 08 2023

My new favorite pastime is highking. I roll a spliff, pack my bag, and head toward the northeastern end of London. I venture into the forest, find a sheltering oak tree to take a hit, and then lose myself off the beaten paths, cross-country. It can be intense and even intimidating (like when you face a seemingly angry cow), but mostly, it feels like a mix between a fairytale and an out-of-body experience—floating within nature.

Yesterday was one of those experiences as I explored Hainault Forest. I wanted to use the open mind, tranquility, and solitude to peel back some layers and get closer to my core.

I think I managed to cut through the layer of avoidance—the avoidance of seeing myself and my truth beneath it. Deep inside, I can sense a core, a center of truth, the “DNA” of my existence. But it’s still surrounded by other layers, blocking its light. Guilt, doubt, childhood trauma, expectation, and responsibility press tightly against it, making it dull and trapped, causing both mental and physical pain.

These layers are complex and interwoven, with no clear map to navigate them, untangle them, or dissolve them. So I wonder—could a special “medicine” from Mother Nature help me cut through these layers? Or at least help me make sense of them, shedding them one by one, until my core truth finally shines through?

Maybe that day is near.

Today is also the last sunset after 8 PM before autumn approaches with heavy steps. He already made his presence known, covering the hiking paths with rusty brown chestnut leaves.

I hope I can find some beauty in this melancholic, transitioning season of my life.

xoxo