I touched down at 6:21 at Heathrow Airport, and it took another 2 hours to get back home in East London. I was super tired and even napped on the tube a few times. At the same time I was nervously anticipating the reunion. 

It was a happy moment, and I was quite blown away by the corridor decoration Topo did during my absence, including other little tweaks and add-ons that I all discovered in the next few hours.

I was overwhelmed, but positively!

Later we went to the bedroom to cuddle and fool around, but to my disappointment Topo did not feel the same excitement, passion and boner that I did. He was quite aloof and distant, and it made me feel really insecure. He said because he was tired, but I just came off an 18h journey through the night and still felt passionate…

We went on with the day, and I actually had to call Queenie and the others in the car in Germany, and do quite some work. Later we ate an edible and went for an extensive walk. We both were eager to share some stories about our experiences during the last 4 weeks. But suddenly Topo became very quiet, and answered very monosyllabically. I felt that the chemistry had turned 180. We walked home and he did not wanna talk about it ‘under influence’, and suggested we do something individually and not talk. He closed the salon door and slept. 

Meanwhile I emptied my luggage and cleaned up all my stuff, and cooked dinner. We ate it in silence.

I took a photo of the beautiful pasta, as he didn’t do it this time. Unlike the last two nights, when he posted his creation on IG with the caption ‘non romantic dinner for one’… twice. 

At first I was happy to be back. I thought it looked more inviting now in a different light, in the sunny days of late April. But the weather outside is still cool, windy and gray. The leaves have not fully sprouted back. And the hurt feelings that were left behind when I embarked on my 4 weeks journey have not healed meanwhile. I am starting to wonder if it is London that gives me a hard time, or the relationship itself. 

Discombobulated once again. 

London, 26 4 2023